Great White Food Review

Ben Shapiro would say he hates this place

Eli Pearl

8/16/22

Great White feels like a caricature. The all-white exterior of the restaurant welcomes you to a sea of influencers, transplants, and $8 lattes. Great White feels like somewhere where you’d see Tame Impala. Or Rick Caruso.

After parking in an overpriced public lot, my good friend (and cameraman of @elieats) Noah Goldsmith and I entered the millennial mecca. After a 20-minute wait (which we spent observing the gag shirts sold on Venice Beach), we were finally seated in the Marie Antoinette of brunch spots. Looking at the menu was an experience unto itself. It’s almost like the place is self aware. Avocado Toast. Algae-infused smoothies. Harvest bowls. Iced lattes (did I mention they were $8?) Great White is what Fox News thinks every restaurant in California is. . Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Senator John Kennedy’s (R-LA) “goat milk” rant was partially inspired by Great White. The menu is almost mocking you. Daring you to spend $16 on the breakfast burrito. Asking you if you’re going to deny yourself the joys of the $22 fish tacos. Imploring you to spend $28 on the salmon coconut curry. And Noah and I willingly fell into the mouth of the shark. Because while a meal at Great White parallels college tuition, and the brunch-spot’s feng shui is whiter than mayonnaise, the food is legit.

Noah and I both ordered iced lattes (when in Rome). Noah chose the Balenciaga breakfast burrito, while I went with the blue smoothie bowl (only $14! Wow!) We also shared the $8 banana bread topped with whipped butter and maldon sea salt. The coffees came first. They were solid. Reminiscent of the coffee that you get at the independent shops with the IPADs that guilt-trip you into tipping the down payment on your house for a $6 Americano. But my latte was delightfully light, and Noah seemed to enjoy his. Then, rather quickly, our main courses came. And disappeared. My smoothie bowl was excellent. The hint of the banana elevated the smoothie base, which was marvelously light. I’m not exactly sure what was on top of the sky-blue bowl, but the cacophony of granolas and nuts were a welcome hint of texture.

But the star of the show was the banana bread. Banana bread always connotes a sense of sentimentality for me. A feeling of warmth. The old family recipe. Handmashing the bananas yourself. Sneaking into the kitchen late at night to grab a handful of the always-doughy treat. But this wasn’t your grandma’s banana bread. This was new-aged. Fun. Dynamic. Soulless. It’s a Hotel California Lyric. The Hedonist’s banana bread. The Devil’s Dough.

The bread comes out hot. Smoke wafts off the plate. First thing you notice is the exterior. Subtly burnt. Arguably calescent. But once your fork punctures the impregnable ramparts of the crust, you find yourself in a whole new world. Soft. Spongy. Akin to a cookie dough bite. Banana-y. And incredibly delicious. You add a bit of maldon salt (what’s the difference between maldon salt and regular salt? Frenchness? Pretense?) and a hint of whipped butter to the Tyler Durden of loaves, and you have your pièce de résistance.

The brunch was unquestionably a success. The smoothie bowl was about as filling as a fruit roll up, but that’s par for the course. The price was also ridiculous, but we knew what we were getting into when we went to the Jared Goff of brunch places (but like 2018 Jared). I guess my biggest regret is that I wasn’t able to order more, because the menu is truly stunning. But alas. There’s bigger fish to fry (like Great White’s $28 sole). If you want to spend an exorbitant amount of money to dine on Kampachi ceviche next to Armie Hammer, I more than recommend Great White for your next brunch.

The nitty gritty:

Food: 8.7/10

Price: 4.2/10

Ambiance: 7.5/10

Service: no complaints/10 (shoutout Maya)

Was probably referenced in “Super Rich Kids” (by Frank Ocean and Earl Sweatshirt): 11/10

The Final Verdict: Great White is very good. Motivated me to write 95 Theses about banana bread. 7.6/10.

Some cool links:

If you want to learn more about supporting increasing the federal minimum wage, go here: Fightfor15

If you want to get involved in charities that provide social services for the homeless, go here: The People Concern (Santa Monica), St. Joseph Center (Venice), Safe Place for Youth (Venice), Weingart Center (Skid Row), and Downtown Women’s Center (Downtown)